


SEVERELY

by anjellie_ka



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:17:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anjellie_ka/pseuds/anjellie_ka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~Because I love writing a very in love Woohyun</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no forever but there’s future. Live not knowing what’s ahead of you. Enjoy living every second of your life with him and make more memories you will remember for the rest of your lives. Your future is Sunggyu and Sunggyu’s future is you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	SEVERELY

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by FT Island's Severely, go check the MV if you're curious. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZJnZD1UbA8]
> 
> The MV is sad I know so if you're worried about the ending...... -> "I don't write love stories with tragic endings *winks*"

 

 

_May 5, 2014_

 

_I wake up to the same pain, same empty feeling whenever I reach for the space beside me just to realize you’re not there. Not now, not ever. I wish to never wake up. To just continue sleeping, because in my dreams is where you’ll only be._

 

_Don’t worry babe, I’m still breathing, but barely living._

 

_I count the days, 7 days and 13 hours. It’s been that long since you left and that long since I started living like a zombie. I don’t bother checking the time anymore, I just work and work. I don’t mind exhausting myself over piles of paper works or going home late. What’s waiting for me there - cold, dark and lonely apartment._

 

_Sometimes I find myself walking home from work. 50 minutes isn’t too much. It exhausts me so it’s fine. But most of the time, during my walks, I find myself walking not towards home, but towards your grave. I talk to you though I know you won’t answer. You never will. But I still do. I wish those movies about time travels are real._

 

_I want to turn back time._

 

_Just once..so I can save you._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

11:30 pm

 

I arrive home just as exhausted as I was the previous nights but earlier. I guess fatigue has taken over so I decided to go home early. I plop down on the bed not caring whether I’m still wearing my coat and shirt that stink from sweat or that my socks are still on. Sunggyu will definitely get angry when he sees me lying on our bed with socks on.

 

My lips curl into a bitter smile.

 

He hates seeing me crying. He said it isn’t manly and that I look ugly. But my eyes automatically water whenever I arrive home. The whole place reminds me of him, of our memories. Every corner and space of the house has Sunggyu’s imprint on them, his notes on the refrigerator – the ugly scribbles that I didn’t bother to decipher again (I tried once and they just gave me a massive headache), the decayed flowers in the vase in the living room which I haven’t thrown away because Sunggyu was so happy when he got them (from me) and the stacks of photo albums in the book shelf which contain pictures of us carefully put together according to dates with sweet notes stuck to them. Sunggyu is such a sentimental person.

 

I roll on my side facing the space he used to occupy – images of him come flashing….

 

Maybe he’s still here, maybe he hasn’t gone up to heaven yet. Maybe something miraculous will happen and tomorrow he’ll be alive again – the same mean Sunggyu that wakes me up in the morning with his horrible loud alarm clock placed at the far side of the room. He’ll be by the door again hands on his waist smiling and waiting for me to scramble up on my feet and kill the fucking alarm clock. And then he’ll kiss me after that telling me that breakfast is ready and that if I don’t hurry there will be no mango slushy for me.

 

"God, I miss your cruelness too."

 

My lips quiver as I suppress another surge of emotion. I've been crying for more than a week and my eyes are still producing tears. I bury my face on his pillow hoping to somehow calm myself with his scent.

 

8 days and 1 minute.

 

I let out a pained chuckle.

 

‘Don’t worry Gyu I’m still breathing....... but I feel like dying.’

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wish to not wake up and just continue dreaming of you. But no, the alarm goes off. My hand reaches for the clock atop the nightstand but I catch nothing but air. My brows furrow. Did I knock it down when I was sleeping?

 

Annoyed, I pull the covers over my head. A few more minutes, I groan. My head feels like exploding!

 

“If you don’t get up now there’ll be no mango slushy and good morning kiss for you.” A voice suddenly comes echoing across the room. My eyes slowly open and my heart thumps impossibly hard in my chest.

 

Wait… is that… wait…am I still dreaming?

 

“No kiss, no cuddling for one week Nam Woohyun!”

 

I throw the covers up sitting up on the bed, head snapping towards the door. There he is, standing with his hands on his waist, lips pursed in a pout and brows scrunched together – he’s trying to look mean but god he just looks so endearing in my eyes. He pouts more.

 

Wow this dream is so vivid.

 

This is the first time I’ve seen him this clear. Most of the time he’s just a faceless figure in my dreams which I assume is him. He’ll vanish quickly once I set my eyes on him… once I touch him. But now, he’s still standing there frown deepening while staring at me.

 

My eyes rake on his whole appearance bathing myself in his whole existence. He has his favorite plain white sleeping shirt on and a pair of blue boxers….

 

Wait…

 

Blue boxers….that are mine!

 

I immediately reach for my phone under the pillow.

 

_April 21, 2014 7:00 am._

 

_Exactly 7 days before his accident – before his birthday and before my proposal._

 

I look back again at Sunggyu who is still at the door looking confused. I stare at him, trying to take in everything that is happening, trying to come up with a good explanation for everything. Thoughts of pinching myself become tempting but before my fingers can even reach my cheeks I stop. What if this really is a dream and if I pinch myself I’ll wake up to the cold and lonely apartment?

 

I don’t want that.

 

“Is there something wrong? Are you sick?” he asks, worry all over his face. He starts walking towards me. I want to run, meet him halfway and hug him but my legs seem like they don’t have strength. I want to speak and call his name but my voice seems stuck in my throat.

 

I want to say I love you.

 

Oh please let me say it to him. I don’t know how long this dream will last so at least let me tell him how much I love him. Let me….

 

His hands cup my cheeks gently wiping the tears that are flowing on them. I didn’t realize I am already crying. “Babe what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” He asks and I just let out the sob that I’ve been holding back. I pull him in a hug wrapping my arms around his waist, burying my face on his shoulder.

 

“Hey what’s wrong?” he asks again, hands softly patting my back.

 

“ I love you.” I said leaning back and reaching for his face. “I love you so much.”

 

“Uhmm..I know because you’re crazy over me and…”

 

 I lean in and capture his lips. God, he still tastes the same. The supple sweet lips that taste like mint and strawberry – courtsey of the kiddie toothpaste that he loves so much – the unique taste that is very Kim Sunggyu.

 

“Hey, hey..what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asks after pulling back from the kiss. I want to pull him in again but his hands on my chest stop me.  “Is it because of the threat? Okay I take it back… you’ll still have your kisses and cuddles. Stop crying now you look ugly.” He smiles sweetly while patting my cheek. I lean in to the touch cradling his hand between my cheek and shoulder.

 

If this is a dream please do not wake me up.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

And I did not.

 

 Or

 

 If this is still a dream, this is the longest, weirdest dream ever.

 

We end up cuddling in bed. He forced me to go to work earlier but I insisted on staying, saying I wasn't feeling well and that I didn’t want to leave him. He said he had work to do too, that he had to submit the last chapter of his latest novel to the publisher before the week end. He said my presence at home was distracting, well yes it was because I didn’t leave him alone, not a second. I stuck myself beside him like a gum as he worked. He got annoyed and eventually gave up.

 

It’s just weird because some things that are happening now have happened in the past. Same date, exact same things (except for some things I did today out of fear of losing him again) like he cramming to finish his novel and he wearing my boxers. No, he doesn’t like wearing other people’s stuffs especially underwear, (well who does?) yes, I’m his lover, but that doesn’t put me as exception. But that day, April 20, 2014, he wore my dark blue boxers because he thought it was black. I remember it so well because he made a huge fuss over it telling me it’s gross and unsanitary. He even told me to throw it (a $157 Derek Rose Otis pure silk boxer) out because it might happen again. (You don’t know how Sungyeol freaked out when I told him what happened to his precious gift.)

 

By the way, the pair of boxers is now in the trash because I pointed out earlier that he’s wearing mine just to check if he would have the same reaction – he did.

 

“Seriously you’re being creepy today.” He says propping his elbow on the pillow and resting his chin on his palms.

 

“Am I?”

 

“Are you cheating on me?” He narrows his eyes at me and pouts.

 

“Your novels have gotten into your head,” I flick his forehead. He winces and grumbles something incomprehensible before slapping my chest hard and crawling to seat on my stomach.

 

“Yah, you won’t dare. I’ll castrate you if you do!!” he exclaims dramatically pointing a finger at my face. 

 

I laugh hard, god how I love this man. “You know how much I love you right?” I said cupping his cheeks with both hands, pulling him down and kissing him softly on the lips.

 

“I know…you're so crazily in love with me." he says confidently when our lips part. I peck his pouty lips.

 

"I do." I peck his lips again. "So...so...much."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The loud ringing of the alarm clock wakes me up from my deep slumber. Thinking that the very long dream is over, I reach for it atop the nightstand intending to throw it somewhere in the room. But then, the alarm clock  _again_  is not where it should be. My brows furrow and slowly I sit up. For years of waking up to that horrible sound my eyes quickly spot it on the floor, a meter away from the foot of the bed. My head automatically turns to the door to check if….

 

“I’m starting to wonder if you really are Woohyun.” an apparition of Sunggyu says standing by the door arms crossed on his chest and wearing the clothes Sunggyu was wearing the night we slept  _in my dream_. I stay glued on the bed staring at him as my brains create thousands of reasons why I am still having this dream. I reach for my phone from under the pillow to check the date.

 

_April 22, 2014 7:00 am_

 

The room becomes quiet as the alarm clock stops ringing. Sunggyu stands up with the alarm clock in his hand and settles it on the nightstand. He then sits down beside me on the bed.

 

"Saved me two alarm clocks, you're getting better, you need a reward." he kisses me softly on the lips then pats my cheeks after. "Get up now. You won't want a cold stew right?" he smiles before getting up. That's exactly Sunggyu. So...he isn't an apparition?

 

"Sunggyu..." I call in a low voice it's almost like a whisper. He still hears it and turns around. "I... had a bad dream." I say in shaking voice, my whole body trembling as I speak. "You...you left me." I croak fighting the urge to cry, stopping the tears from falling. I feel the bed shifts a bit as he sits beside me again. Warm arms then wrap around my waist. Yes, warm like Sunggyu. This isn't an apparition. This is definitely Sunggyu hugging me now. I should know.

 

"Is that why you're acting strange?" he asks. I nod in response, not trusting my voice. I'm afraid that if I speak more my voice will crack then I'll cry again. He'll think something's wrong and he'll pry until he gets an answer from me. I'm not a good liar and actor - he'll see through me and if he finds out he definitely won't believe me – he'll think I'm going crazy, plus I don't know what the consequences may be if he finds out. But... are there consequences? Is this even real?

 

He tightens his arms around my waist. “If that ‘left’ means I left you for another person – that’s highly possible if Paul Walker is still alive. But, he’s dead now so you shouldn’t worry.” He smiles warmly at me.

 

I forcefully tug the corner of my lips putting up a strong façade, “So I’m only second on your list?”

 

“Technically, yes.” He kisses me on the cheek before standing up. “Come on, I’m starving. I made strawberry slushy for us.” He beams at me offering his hand for me to take. I can’t help but return the warm smile. I take his hand interlacing our fingers and locking them together. Like magic I feel my heart being filled with a different kind of joy. Like a jolt of happiness is surging through my veins, tickling my heart and erasing all my fears and anxieties.

 

It’s this familiar feeling of being loved and being in love.

 

He pulls me up with a giggle and then drags me out to the kitchen in haste. “Strawberry is cheap nowadays so instead of mango I bought strawberries.” He says as we walk towards the kitchen. I can imagine strawberries starting to pile above his head as he thinks of them. He’s probably thinking of ways to make me eat his favorite fruit.

 

“But babe I hate strawberries.” I whine hugging him from behind and latching myself to him like a koala as we make our way to the kitchen.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

4 days more passed with me waking up to Sunggyu’s alarm clock. He was so impressed because he had saved a total of 6 alarm clocks for 6 days of me waking up calmly. Sometimes I wake up earlier than him just to stare at his sleeping face, memorizing every dips and curves of it. Realizing how lucky I am to have him and to have this chance again. Days pass and I am sure now that everything is really happening all over again. This is too long, too vivid and too realistic to be a dream.

 

I was forced to go to work too, I had to. If this is really a rewind of what happened before, giving me a chance to save him when that time comes, then I must be careful not to change too much. All I have to do is save him. Stop his death. But does saving him means he’ll live after that? How about the days after – months after?

 

Can I really change the course of fate?

 

Can I really change Sunggyu's fate?

 

It won't hurt to try... I'm given another chance to be with him. I have to make sure he'll stay with me, forever. I sigh leaning back on my chair. Does forever even exist?

 

"Hey"

 

Sweet melodic voice pierces the silence of my office. Of course he comes, just like he did that day. I remember it very well – my memory has always been good. I turn towards the door feigning surprise.

 

"Oh, what are you doing here?"

 

Sunggyu smiles sweetly before raising two plastic bags. "I sent the manuscript to the publishing office. So I thought I could drop here as well so we can have lunch together." he walks towards me and places the plastics on the table. Upon settling the food he leans forward across the table and places a soft kiss on my lips.

 

“One more” I mutter pursing my lips more. He rolls his eyes before leaning in and placing another sweet kiss on my pouting lips.

 

"You're so childish." he says pinching my nose.

 

"One more" I tug the collar of his shirt and capture his lips. He yelps at the sudden attack making him scramble to find a place on the table to hold and support himself resulting to a few things falling down the floor. He groans and hits my chest but that won’t stop me. My hands cup his face and tilt his head a bit to deepen the kiss. A few struggles more and finally he gives in resulting to more things falling down as he lifts one of his legs on the table to make himself comfortable.

 

The door then suddenly opens followed by a gasp.

 

“S-sorry.” My flustered secretary mutters before hastily closing the door. Sunggyu pushes me and hops down the table fixing his shirt.

 

“Nam Woohyun, look at what you’ve done to my shirt!” He exclaims while straightening the wrinkled collar of his shirt. I sit back on my chair and cross my arms on my chest.

 

“Let’s go shopping and buy you a new one. How’s that?”

 

He rolls his eyes, “What’s the catch?”

 

I smile before patting my lap, “Come here and kiss me again. I’ve been working so hard for us I think I deserve a reward.”

 

“And your secretary?” he raises an eyebrow.

 

“She knows not to come in when I’m busy.”

 

He nods to that, “Make it two shirts then.” he says giving me that sweet, sweet tempting smile of his.

 

How to say no to that? “Deal. Now come here.” I say waving him over impatiently.

 

He smiles before running towards me and jumping on my lap. My arms automatically wrap around his waist pulling him closer to my body.

 

“How about the lunch I bought?” he asks wrapping his arms around my neck and threading his fingers through my hair. I nuzzle onto his neck breathing in his scent.

 

“Can I just have you for lunch?”

 

He chuckles stroking my cheek, “We might have a problem with that. You know Sungyeol’s tendency to barge in without knocking.

 

“We will lock the door.”

 

“You know how loud I can be. Let’s not give your secretary more trauma. She already had enough for today.”

 

I groan nuzzling deeper onto his neck, “But imagining you naked on my table is already making me hard.”

 

He chuckles, “I can feel it” He grinds his ass on my lap to emphasize his point. “How about I give you your kiss now, and then cancel your appointments for today?”

 

I lean back and stares up at him eyes sparkling, “Then let’s go home now.”

 

“No, we’ll go shopping first then we’ll go home after you bought me shirts” my shoulders slump.

 

“But I can’t wait that long.” I whine.

 

He smiles and gazes straight to my eyes, “Two shirts then and a bag tomorrow” he says.

 

My eyes flicker once over his swollen and damp lips, “You’re a sly. But I love you so deal.” I lean in to claim my reward. God, is it even possible for someone to taste so sweet like this, to be this addicting? I tug his lower lip impatiently nibbling on it a sending a silent plea to open his mouth. He giggles threading his hands deeper in my hair before opening his mouth and responding to the kiss with much eagerness.

 

Our mouths part, adjust and meet, too eager to taste each other. Hot breaths mingle and moans of appreciation echo across the room. Sunggyu’s hands clutch more of my hair as my tongue appreciatively explores his cavern. I can feel his growing desire and impatience and I doubt if we can still reach home.

 

He moves his hips grinding his crotch to mine and I can’t help but move my hips in the same rhythm with his – meeting his thrusts. My hands then immediately slid down past his waist to grab the round mounds that I love so much. I grope them appreciating how round and soft and perky they are. Shit, I can’t help but squeeze them hard resulting to Sunggyu moaning in my mouth and humping me harder. I groan in frustration. The thoughts of just bending him over the table and taking him raw just get more intense.

 

“I really wanna do you here now.” I murmur against his lips when we separate to fill our lungs with air.

 

He parts his lips and gaps. He doesn’t utter a word but the smile that grazes his lips is enough. I lean in again to kiss him harder and this time needier. Needless to say it’s impossible to stop and continue this at home now.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

April 27, 2014 7:00 pm.

 

The eve of the dreaded day has come. I have planned what to do tomorrow. I have repeated the details in my head over and over so I won’t miss a thing. But no perfect plan can stop what is bound to happen. All I can do is hope, that maybe – maybe this is really a chance to save Sunggyu, to have him back again, a chance for us to be together. All I can do is pray that this isn’t just a repeat for me to see him die again. That is so cruel.

 

I look up at him, he is still busy choosing shirts from the racks pulling out one and returning it immediately after inspecting. He’s very picky when it comes to his clothes. He already has three hanging on his left arm but he is still looking for more. The two shirts and one bag became 5 shirts, a bag and a pair of shoes in just one night. He knew my weakness and I just couldn’t say no when he was so perfect lying naked on top of my mahogany table, hands holding both his legs up to keep himself open and ready for me, face flushed and lips parted.

 

Just replaying the scene in my head makes my member twitch. Another good thing about going through this rewind is I get to have sex with him in my office again – which is for me the best sex we had.

 

I shake my head, no. We’ll have more of that best sex in the future. More memories like this, more mornings of me waking up beside him. We’ll be together until we’re both in diapers because we’re too old to stand up and pee. We’ll die holding hands just like in that movie we have seen.

 

Call it selfishness but I don’t want to give heaven one more beautiful angel. The earth needs him more – I need him more, I need him to live. I suddenly feel a strong longing and need to hug him so I hurriedly walk to him and hug him from behind chin resting on his shoulder.

 

“You’re getting too many hugs recently.” He says lovingly leaning back on my chest as he checks the shirt he’s holding at arms length.

 

“Can’t I hug my boyfriend?” I pout against his neck tightening my embrace around his waist. “And babe I’m hungry, please just choose anything so we can go.”

 

He laughs before returning the plaid shirt he’s looking at back to the rack and turning around in my embrace to face me.

 

“Okay, the big baby is hungry. Let’s go buy some food.” He says in a tiny voice while squishing my cheeks.

 

“But you only have three you need two more.” I say looking at the shirts hanging on his arm.

 

He smiles brightly before patting the paper bag that is hanging on my arm, “I think this baby right here is expensive enough. I can deal with three shirts.” He leans in and plants a kiss on my lips. I pout and internally groan remembering how expensive the bag is. But then, since it’s for Sunggyu, nothing is expensive.  I can even give him the world if he asks me to. Yes, that’s so stupid. I know.

 

I can still remember how disappointed he was that day when I said that the bag was too expensive. That people were being too materialistic. I am a very  ~~stingy~~  practical person. Well, that is what brought me to where I am right now. But what’s money without him?

 

Nothing.

 

I kiss his forehead, “Yeah and I feel like puking because I actually bought a $2,364 bag.”

 

“That’s Marc Jacobs babe..I’ve been eyeing that bag and was hoping that you’d buy it for me.” He pouts cutely. Oh god isn’t he just the most adorable living person on earth? I chuckle before kissing the pout away.

 

“Anything for you” I smile tightening my arms around his waist. He beams at me and I can’t help but lean in again for another kiss before pulling him towards the counter to pay for his purchases. He might change his mind so we better get out fast.

 

I am still a practical person.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

So my romantic dinner in a good restaurant that serves wine and steaks turns out to be a tteokbbokki dinner in the busy streets of Myeongdong. Sunggyu is obviously taking advantage of my kindness – he must’ve felt that I’m willing to do anything he wishes. What caught me off guard is – this didn’t happen that day.

 

The sound of Yiruma’s ‘Love Poem’ is still very fresh in my memory. He happened to be playing in the hotel we went to for dinner and both Sunggyu and I were amazed at how good he was. It was our first time seeing him perform and right there we agreed to go to one of his concerts.

 

So now, I am utterly confused and worried. As I said before, I am trying not to change too much because I am afraid something bad might happen in the future (which is unknown to me). I am trying to stick to what happened before, relying solely on my memory. But then…

 

“Babe... You’re spacing out again” a hand waves in front of my face snapping me out of my mini trance.

 

“Uh..sorry. What were you saying?”

 

“I said I want to go to a fortuneteller. I saw one over there.” He points somewhere behind me.

 

“If you want to. No problem with me.” I force out a smile.

 

“Ooh.. Why are you so nice to me? I’m starting to think that you’re someone pretending to be Woohyun” his hands then squash my cheeks. “Hey, impostor, where did you take my Woohyun?” he squints making his eyes disappear into thin lines and squishes my cheeks harder. I let out a chuckle.

 

“Do you know how adorable you look right now and how bad I want to kiss you here in the middle of the street?” I say with difficulty with my cheeks starting to hurt.

 

He smiles brightly it’s almost blinding. He squashes my cheeks more (in hopes to deform my face – I can tell) then leans in and kisses my lips. It is short but sweet, simple but perfect and I can’t ask for more. He then let go of my face and reaches for my hand. He intertwines our fingers and then tugs me to walk.

 

“Let’s go. Let’s see if we’ll be together forever.”

 

_Forever._

 

I hope there’s forever.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We pass this street every day and this is the first time I have seen this shabby tent. Sunggyu pokes his head inside and then waves me to get in when someone inside greeted him.

 

“Hi” the young woman sitting behind the table greets us and motions us to seat on the chair in front of her. I stare at her. I am not expecting that the fortuneteller is this young and this attractive. She isn’t wearing weird colorful gypsy clothes but just plain white dress. Her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail and her face looks pleasant even without make up on. No, I am not attracted to her it’s just that the image of a fortuneteller in my head is far from what I am seeing now. All fortunetellers in the movies I’ve seen were old, wrinkly and scary.

 

She’s far from scary.

 

Sunggyu kicks my shoes lightly when he noticed that I am still standing. I absentmindedly seat on the chair across him.

 

“I’ve been waiting” the young woman starts leaning forward and taking both of our hands.

 

I don’t like people touching me but surprisingly I allow her to hold my hand. She puts my hand down on the table palms up. She then places Sunggyu’s hand on top of mine and encloses my fingers around his.

 

“Tomorrow is the most important day.” She speaks in a soft voice her words clearly directed to me. My heart suddenly thumps hard in my chest. Who is this woman?

 

“His life is now in your hands. I know you have prepared yourself but I just want to remind you –  _fate can’t easily be changed_. You might be able to succeed tomorrow, but how about the days after that – the months after? You cannot change what is bound to happen. One soul must leave.”

 

_One soul must leave._

 

_Leave._

 

My stomach suddenly churns and my head feels like it’s splitting in half. I tighten my hold on Sunggyu’s hand.

 

“Woohyun-ah.” He calls, worry etched on his face. I pat his hand.

 

“I’m fine.” I assure him, smiling.

 

“You can, save that soul.” She speaks again. Sunggyu and I turn to her. “In exchange of another soul.”

 

_In exchange of another soul._

 

_Does that mean I can sacrifice my soul?_

 

“Yes you can do that.” She speaks again as if she can read my thoughts. She stares straight at me. “Just like what I said. One soul is bound to leave. But….” She pauses making my heart beat harder in my chest.

 

“Can you leave that poor soul? Even if you’re willing to sacrifice, can you leave that soul? Alone? Weeping? Suffering? You know how painful it is. That pain is still in you. Can you let him go through that pain?”

 

“Wait. I don’t understand this.” Sunggyu suddenly speaks.

 

“Shh... babe. It’s okay.” I tap his leg reassuringly. He seems like he’s about to protest but the soft squeeze on his leg made him stop.

 

“It’s okay.” I said again rubbing soothing circles on his knee. He bites his lips and takes my hand.

 

“Please continue.” I turn to the lady. She smiles.

 

“It’s all in your hands. Make a decision that you know will be the best for both of you.” She leans across the table to tap my shoulder. “There’s no forever but there’s future. Live not knowing what’s ahead of you. With that you’ll learn to enjoy every single second of your life with him. Future is unclear, yes, but you can make it clear.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The words of the fortuneteller are still invading my thoughts. Make the right decision. But what is the right decision?

 

I turn to my side so that I’m facing Sunggyu. He’s fast asleep now. Earlier, he forced me to tell him what was happening. What was the fortuneteller saying – he made a huge commotion – he even threw things. He was never violent and I can clearly see how he was so bothered by what the fortuneteller said. He told me that he should know so both of us could go through it. But no, I should go through this alone. I should not let him feel this tension, this fear. I should not. He calmed down when I told him that I would tell the whole truth tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow.

 

I reach for Sunggyu’s face, “I love you, I love you so much.” I whisper my voice cracking as tears fall down from my eyes. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and waist, pulling him to my chest. He murmurs something before snuggling deeper onto my chest. I smile. “I love you so much more.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

April 28, 2014 8pm.

 

Like what happened before. I prepare a special dinner for us and as cliché as it may sound I rent the whole restaurant for us. It isn’t much. The restaurant isn’t fancy but the place is meaningful to us. This is the small restaurant where I met Sunggyu. We were still students back then. He was working here as a part time waiter while I went here to review for my exams.

 

Sunggyu was a favorite. He was popular because he was like a ball of sunshine that lit up the whole place. People loved him, everyone adored him – the small eyed man who talked with enthusiasm with eyes curving into beautiful crescents as he laughed. The cheery voice along with the beautiful smile and sparkling eyes – it was so hard not to fall for him.

 

Soon enough I found myself going to the restaurant more often, ordering more cups of coffee and plates of cookies. I found myself looking forward to seeing that beautiful smile and hearing that melodic voice. It took me months to admit to myself that I was actually in love with him and a few months more to ask him out.

 

Our relationship isn’t perfect. We had our ups and downs but we managed to get through together. ‘We are perfect together’, he said before and I believed that. No other person can complete me except Kim Sunggyu.

 

I look around the restaurant that is decorated prettily with flowers. The table is all set with food, wine and a candle in the middle, it’s almost perfect. I only need Sunggyu to make everything completely perfect.

 

I walk outside the restaurant one hand in pocket holding a box of ring. I am supposed to propose today, supposed to ask him to spend the rest of his days and life with me, supposed to ask him to be mine, officially. I stand on the edge of the road waiting for Sunggyu to arrive. I bite my lips in hopes to stop the tears from flowing. It doesn’t help.

 

This is so cruel.

 

Having to be in this position for the second time around is so cruel. My heart feels like it’s being torn apart – being shred to pieces. More tears flow from my eyes. This is the decision I make. The path I chose. I cannot let him suffer.

 

A bus stops on the road across and drives off a few seconds after. There standing right across from where I am standing is Sunggyu looking so beautiful under the moonlight smiling brightly at me. How can I live without that smile, without him? He waves happily at me and I wave back.

 

More tears flow from my eyes and I can’t help but sob harder. I want to scream, I want to shout.

 

The signal light turns red and Sunggyu quickly steps on the road, hastily walking with his hands buried deep in his jacket’s pockets. Just then a car comes screeching at his direction. I take a step forward aiming to save him but I stop myself just when I am in the middle of the road. I shut my eyes tightly.

 

“I’m sorry Gyu.” I mumble. “This is the decision I make.” And then I hear a crash followed by Sunggyu’s voice screaming my name.

 

I can be on that side of the road, save him and die instead. That will mean the end of my misery but that also means the start of Sunggyu’s. I cannot let Sunggyu go through the suffering I have been to. I cannot let him be miserable just like me. I have felt that pain. I can go through that pain again.

 

“Woohyun-ah… woohyun-ah!!!” Sunggyu’s voice floods my ears. I open my eyes only to be blinded by strong headlights hitting my face. I cover my face with my hands and look down at Sunggyu who is crouched down in front of me, crying.

 

“Woohyun-ah..Nam Woohyun!!! Open your eyes, you cannot leave me!” He screams. My eyes widen when I saw someone who looks exactly like me in his arms, bloody and unresponsive.

 

“What is happening?! Sunggyu.” I crouch down and call his name but he doesn’t seem to see nor hear me.

 

“Sunggyu!!” I try touching him but my hand just passes through him. I can still hear his sobs and desperate cries calling me and asking me to wake up.

 

I stand up and run my hands through my hair. What the fuck is this? The whole place then turns dark and Sunggyu’s voice suddenly disappears.

 

A smoke then appears in front of me forming a figure. I take a step back, afraid and confused.

 

“I am glad of the path you chose” the smoke speaks transforming into something, someone – the fortuneteller from yesterday. “You chose the option to stay alive even if that means you’ll go through the pain for the second time around. You know that pain will be double, it’ll be more painful than before but you still chose to go through it. Your love is un-selfish.”

 

“What is happening? Who are you?”

 

“You could be on that road to save him, save his soul and die instead. But you didn’t. You could be on that road, save no soul and die with him. But you didn’t. You crossed all those options and stayed on this lonely side of the road. The side that means you’ll live in pain. Most people who have gone through this test chose to die with the ones they love. That is not love. That is selfishness to fate – selfishness to me. You’re love is so un-selfish.”

 

“What happened to Sunggyu?”

 

She smiles, “Woohyun, Sunggyu didn’t die. The car stopped before it hit him. But, you – you we're the one who got hit by a car.”

 

“What are you saying?!!”

 

“This is all a test if I should allow you to go back.” She walks closer to me. “He’s waiting for you.” She then touches my forehead with her forefinger and images come rushing in my head, Sunggyu calling my name while pushing a stretcher with a bloody man on it, Sunggyu holding a man’s hand, crying, telling him to get up fast and go back to him. Telling him he’ll buy him a bunch of mangos enough to feed him mango slushy for a year. Telling him he’ll give him kisses and hugs every second. Telling him they’ll go on a vacation with just the two of them if he wakes up – promising things while crying and holding the man’s hand. Begging the man to wake up.

 

The man is me.

 

The images stop and I am back to the darkness with the fortuneteller still in front of me, serving as the only light in this dark space.

 

“You ran when you saw the car approaching Sunggyu. Your eyes were focused on him that you didn’t notice a car was coming at your direction. You got hit by the car and were sent to the hospital. What you saw in your head was what happened and what’s happening now. Sunggyu is still waiting for you”

 

I scream in anguish. All the efforts I put just turn into waste. I am making him suffer now. He doesn’t deserve to be in that situation. I drop on my knees with my hands pressed together. I look up at the lady in front of me through bleary vision “Please let me go back to him. I’m begging you. Please, he’s suffering.” I beg rubbing my hands together as I speak, sobbing hard and letting more tears flow unabashed on my cheeks. Seeing Sunggyu in the state I was in before pained my heart so much. Hearing him call my name in desperate pleas to wake up and get back to him cause me pain worse than seeing him die in front of me.

 

The lady crouches and then pats my head, “There’s no forever but there’s future. Live not knowing what’s ahead of you. Enjoy living every seconds of your life with him and make more memories you will remember for the rest of your lives. Your future is Sunggyu and Sunggyu’s future is you.” Her face then changes from my secretary, to Sunggyu’s, to the fortuneteller’s and then back to the smoke figure. “I am happy that there is still love as pure and as un-selfish as yours. Go back to Sunggyu, he’s waiting for you.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I open up my eyes to a dim room. But instead of getting up to scan my surrounding, I lay still, not moving. I have my eyes fixed on the ceiling. Why? Because I am too afraid to see myself back in our room. The whole thought of the test is just impossible and the thought of it all being a dream is more probable. Fear then starts to engulf my whole being. It’s all a dream. Yes. If not how come I can still remember all the things that have happened? I should be waking up with no memories of that whole test right? I should….

 

“W-woohyun?” someone calls followed by light flooding the whole place. The plain white walls become visible in an instant. Our room has cream colored walls and I don’t remember having fluorescent light on our ceiling. Just then the weird scent I’ve been smelling registers in my head. Antiseptic?

 

Finding some courage my eyes slowly shift down to my body. Hospital gown, thin transparent tube taped on my hand that is connected to an inverted bottle (dextrose) hanging on a pole attached on the side of my bed.

 

Hospital.

 

My eyes then drifts towards the person standing by the door hands clasped on his mouth, eyes fixed on me and tears running down his pale cheeks. Silent sobs can be heard in the room.

 

It’s not a dream. My heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest in joy. My whole body wants to leap towards Sunggyu and hug him tight but my injured body won’t allow me. I smile at him.

 

“Babe, why do you look so thin?” I ask instead worry evident in my voice. First thing I notice is how awfully sickly he looks. His eyes are sunken, his cheeks have lost their roundness and his skin is so pale. I push myself up with difficulty and Sunggyu comes running to my aid. He wraps his arms around my shoulder helping me sit with my back resting on the head board of the bed.

 

“Babe, why are you so thin?” I can’t help but ask again raising my hand to touch his left cheek. I don’t like it when he looks unhealthy. More than my health, Sunggyu’s health has always been my priority. But looking at him now, how his shirt hangs loose on his shoulders, how his lips are chapped and how awfully dark the circles under his eyes are clenches my heart painfully.

 

He leans in to the touch holding my hand with both of his hands. He cries quietly letting his tears run down his cheeks. I reach in to wipe them away.

 

“Sunggyu…”

 

“I- I’m sorry. I should be calling the doctor but seeing you now with your eyes open, I… I can’t seem to move my feet and go outside. I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from you afraid that when I get back they’d be close again.”

 

“I.. I-“ he opens his mouth and closes it again. He’s sobbing so hard making it hard for him to talk. I pull him onto my chest wrapping my arms around him. I rub soothing circles on his back in hopes to calm him down.

 

“I’m back..shhh…stop crying now.” I say kissing the crown of his head. He pushes away from my chest to look up to me, eyes red and cheeks flushed.

 

“You’re not leaving me again.” He says pointing a finger at my face like lecturing a kid. I can’t help but smile because he is trying so hard to look like he is the oldest between us for the first time (which he is) yet he still looks too adorable with his tear streaked cheeks, red eyes and quivering lips.

 

“I am not leaving you again.” I assure him.

 

“You are going to stay home and rest for as long as I want.” He continues.

 

“I am going to stay at home and rest for as long as you want.”

 

“You’re going to-” I pull him in a hug before his list gets too long. It effectively shuts him up. He stops and relaxes in my arms clutching the front of my shirt as he cries again on my chest. I pat his back in a comforting manner. He has suffered a lot and I feel like shit for putting him in that misery.

 

“I was about to propose to you that day.” I whisper while gently rubbing his back.

 

“I know.”

 

“You know?”

 

He pulls away showing me the necklace he's wearing with a ring hanging on it. It’s the ring I bought. He removes the necklace and then hands me the ring.

 

“You didn’t wear it. Don’t you want to-“

 

“I want you to put it on my finger.” He says cutting me off with a pretty smile grazing his lips. I bite my inner cheek suddenly becoming depressed. I am happy but I can’t seem to rejoice.

 

“What’s with the long face?” he asks holding my hands.

 

“It’s just that. My proposal isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be special, in a beautiful place, with a lot of flowers, with beautiful music playing in the background. You’re supposed to be surprised, supposed to feel special, supposed to cry – a moment that you will remember for the rest of your life. It’s supposed to be perfect.”

 

“This is perfect.” He squeezes my hands gently, reassuringly. I look up to meet his eyes. “What can be more perfect than having you back again? You, opening your eyes and going back to me is a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. More than having a fancy dinner with music and flowers, more than any beautiful things that money can offer. I do feel special and I did cry, a lot. This is perfect Woohyun.” He smiles gently at me raising his hand for me to slip on the ring.

 

“You just made me the happiest man in the universe.” I say as I slip on the ring which perfectly fits on his finger.

 

“Universe huh?” he says playfully.

 

“Yeah, come here and give me my kiss.” I reach for him but he quickly jumps off the bed. “Hey.”

 

“You haven’t brushed your teeth yet.”

 

I groan, “Ugh..unfair! How long was I sleeping?”

 

“A month and a half.”

 

“That long?”

 

“Yes.”

 

I place a hand in front of my mouth and breathe out. “My breath doesn’t smell bad!!” I exclaim and he just laughs at me.

 

He sits on the bed again and pecks my lips. “There’s dental care in hospitals, stupid.”

 

I pout at him, “Is this how you treat a person who came back from the dead for you?” he chuckles.

 

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” He pats my cheeks before leaning in for a kiss. I smile as finally I can taste and feel the sweetness of reality. I am back.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Days, months spent with him became more precious. The realization that we never know what may happen tomorrow makes us spend every second of our lives showing simple acts of love – sweet kisses in the morning (afternoon, noon, night – anytime of the day), warm hugs every time we can, gentle squeezes of the hand – simple gestures with no expense to ourselves but just mere moments of our time and thoughts.

 

I am so thankful for this second life.

 

I bury my nose deeper onto his neck enjoying his sweet scent – silently thanking the heavens for giving me such a wonderful, beautiful person.

 

Yes. Thank you for this second life.

 

“Woohyun let’s sleep. I’m tired.” He slaps my hand that is slowly making its way to his stomach.

 

I let out a groan, “Aren’t we suppose to enjoy our time here? We’re on honeymoon! And we’re in Paris I can feel the romantic mood running through my veins.”

 

“There is nothing romantic with what you want to do. We just had two rounds earlier let me sleep!” He scoots far away from me making the comforter slide down to his waist. I almost let out a whistle when my eyes are graced with a great view of the milky white skin of his back decorated with scattered red patches (hickeys in this case, courtesy of yours truly).

 

With a satisfied smirk I marvel at the art I made before scooting towards him gently wrapping my arms around his waist. I nuzzle onto his neck, “Babe just one more round please?” I ask as my legs tangle with his under the sheets pressing our bodies closer. Just being this close to him is making me hard. Woohyun junior is alive again.

 

I grind my slowly getting into life dick on his exposed butt aiming to hear delicious sounds from him. He doesn’t move a bit so I press closer. My hands then slowly make their way down in between his legs.

 

Oh what is this? A smirk grazes my lips.

 

“Babe you’re hard too.” I whisper hotly on his ear wrapping my fingers around his half hard and leaking member. He hisses before elbowing me making me fall on my back.

 

“I hate you.” He says crawling on top of me and sitting on my abdomen.

 

“Oh what a great view and I love you too.” I answer with a smirk gazing at his nakedness while running my hands appreciatively over his smooth thighs – this view down here is breathtaking.

 

“You’re insatiable.” He rolls his eyes before slapping my hands off his legs.

 

“Because you’re too sexy babe. How can I get enough of you?” he punches my chest hard before sitting abruptly on my hardening dick. Ouch, poor Nam Woohyun Junior is being pressed down, caught in between Sunggyu’s healthy globes and my balls. My face contorts in pain.

 

“I swear if I can’t walk tomorrow I’m not going to talk to you.” He says before getting up and reaching for something under the pillow. My face brightens up with happiness when the familiar sound of popping bottle echoes in the room. I look up at Sunggyu who is now pouring generous amount of lube on his hand.

 

“Are you going to ride me babe?” I ask excitement pumping up in my system.

 

“Yeah so watch closely and enjoy the show.” He wraps his fingers around my already hardened dick and coats it with lube. He strokes it slowly taking his time on spreading the lube and mixing the precum that’s dripping from the tip. I have to grip the sheets under me tightly to stop myself from pushing him off me and taking him roughly.

 

“Such a fucking tease.” I growl biting my lips after when his thumb runs over the reddening tip of my poor member.”Uhng…shit Gyu.” I mewl throwing my head back.

 

He giggles. He fucking giggles, I feel like my resolve is starting to crumble. But before I lose my sanity he withdraws his hand from my pulsating member and leans down placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

 

“Patience Woohyun, patience.” He says before oh so slowly lifting his hips and lowering himself down on my dick. Shit the incredible warmth and tight heat is engulfing me completely. I let out strained moans as pleasure overtakes my entire being.

 

He smirks at me before holding onto my knees for support.  He places his feet flat on bed before starting to move going up and down in a painfully slow manner. I grunt, he is obviously just torturing me and fuck I like it so fucking much. It’s not always that you get to see this kind of Sunggyu – bold, fierce, and oh so fucking sexy.

 

How blessed am I?

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It's been years and I'm still thankful for waking up every day to the warmth of my precious one – this comforting warmth, this blissful feeling. I wake up every day seeing his peaceful sleeping face first thing in the morning along with his soft breathing that sounds better than the chirping of birds outside the window.

 

 I desire to wake up all days of my life with him beside me – now, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and days more after that.

 

Days go with me going through them with a happy heart. I look forward to going home, quickly finishing work, turning down Sungyeol’s offer for a drink and going straight home.

 

What’s waiting for me there?

 

Waiting for me is a warm apartment with the scent of Sunggyu’s food wafting in the air, his soft humming serving as back ground music. Waiting for me at home is Sunggyu, isn’t that enough reason to go home?

 

I still count the days.

 

Yes.  
  


I look forward to tomorrow – anticipating simple things like, will he finally be able to perfect my sunny side up egg without breaking the yellow part?  Will he wake up late again and panic because I will go to work without breakfast? Will he allow me to ditch work and stay at home just because I don’t feel like leaving him alone? What new stolen, embarassing pictures of me will he add to his photo album?

 

These things may be unimportant memories to some, but for me, there are no unimportant memories as long as Sunggyu is in it - simple memories of him that I can add to my memory bank of ‘All things good and bad about Sunggyu’.

 

Wait…it should be....

 

‘All things good and bad that I  **love**  about Sunggyu’.

 

Yes, I love him so much even though he's just so cruel in the morning. By the way his alarm clock has leveled up.

 

Who fucking invented a Math Alarm Clock???!

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry because I slacked towards the end.
> 
> 47 pages and 8,600+ words.
> 
> errors everywhere..surely there are errors everywhere so please forgive me..it's too long for me to read back and proof read.. i'll find time for it >,


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